It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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