i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Drunk is a universal language darling
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
