The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
false alarm, still single
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
