bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just blew my weed a kiss
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
