I wanna bring you to show and tell
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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