So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
my poor anus
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
