hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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