Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
my shit smells like andre
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
