Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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