drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I've blown a few things in my day
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
