I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
