he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
