in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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