Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
