Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
