nutella sex= disaster
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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