He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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