I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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