So drunk its hurt
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
