Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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