I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
