I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
