Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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