I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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