I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
