My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
