I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
and she was petting her beer can
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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