Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
