There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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