Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
