ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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