dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Rumble strips road head = magical
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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