I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
