one two three fourrrrnication!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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