capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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