Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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