I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Ambien. No doubt about it.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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