No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
