You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
