I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
