haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Couch. On fire.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
