love makes seman taste better
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
