were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
