im six kinds of drunk right now
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
