Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
