do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
