So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
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