My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
