She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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