It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
